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Writings by Riverclan23


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October 8, 2012
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Ok, given the amount of, quite honesty, terrible lemons I've come across on my journeys across the interwebs, I'm going to give all you lemon writers a few rules to consider when writing them. Feel free to ignore my advice; I am, after all, an amateur, but, really, even just taking in one of these will improve your lemons considerably.

Rule 1: Use metaphors and Euphemisms carefully

Trust me; some metaphor just make your work really, really unsexy. Be very, very careful when using them. A good way to tell if you've got a good one on your hands is to say it out loud; does it make you feel hot? Or does it just make you laugh? Some of the worst I've seen have been 'her honey pot', 'her triangle of femininity' and anything that sounds anything like 'they soared on the wings of love and exploded into infinity'. They all make you sound like a twat, especially that last one. (Also, try to avoid the word 'member' if you can.)

Rule 2: Explain how it feels, not what's happening

One of the things that turns me off most is getting through the opening part of a lemon to find that the action is described like a piece of engineering. Don't just say 'Body-part-1 entered Body-part-2, making you moan'. Explain what the main character is feeling (both emotionally and physically), not just what they are doing.  

Rule 3: The 'Rule of Three' is bullshit

The 'Rule of Three' states that if you include three of the five senses in a sex scene, it will be a lot more believable and generally more hot. That, my friends, is what we call bullshit; you should include four senses at the minimum. It's not that hard people; sight, sound, touch and smell. Include taste too, if it works in your storyline. It'll make your writing way, waaay more interesting.

Rule 4: Hint at a larger storyline

You'll notice that in all the lemons I have ever written and ever will write, there is more to the story then the actual act of fucking. For example; in my Snapped!Fem!France x Reader lemon, the reader is Fem!France's ex girlfriend, who left her for a guy, which emotionally tore Fem!France apart. While I don't show the actual events, they are referenced in the thoughts, feelings and attitude of the reader. Similarly, in my Incubus!America x Male!Reader fic, while nothing actually happens in the writing except the sexual act, the situation in which it takes place is referenced tons because it actually effects the storyline a lot. Which brings me to my next point…

Rule 5: Crank up the sexual tension

Make the reader and the character enemies, make somebody have second thoughts, do something- anything!- to raise the stakes, both sexual and emotional. Just describing people having sex is plain old boring; make it into a risk the two (or more!) have to choose whether or not to take. This is one of the undeniable truths in writing; sexual tension will make the description of the sexual act more satisfying for the reader.

Rule 6: Dialogue is hot; use it.

Because having sex in silence would be creepy and you know it. But don't just add random 'Aaaah's and 'Ooooooh's; they are generally mahoosive turn offs. Use dialogue as a way to express the – wait for it- sexual tension (see above).

Just a few words can be exciting enough in the right hands to keep a reader utterly engrossed.   

I know I may sound like a hypocrite because my 'Roxanne' lemon doesn't have any dialogue in it, but that is for a particular reason; the fic is meant to be creepy- it's showing what happens when love goes wrong.

Rule 7: Don't make the acts the same as every other Lemon out there

Your basic lemon formula is this; the hot guy of your choice confesses to the reader, then starts kissing her, it leads on to him 'pleasuring' her, she 'pleasures' him and then they fuck. I see this in almost every bloody lemon out there.

Now, I'm not saying you can't use any of this, but using all together makes your fic look clichéd and plain boring. Mix them up, cut bits out, add things in and make it as spicy as you like. But please, change something!

Rule 8: Anatomy please!

This is mainly just a side note, but I see a lot of yaoi fanfictions where no lube is used. Now, this will hurt both partners. A lot. Trust me. I'm not saying you have to have everything anatomically correct, but please be logical about big things like this.

Rule 8: To Birth Control or not to Birth Control?

I know that hardly any lemons do include birth control and, quite frankly, I can understand why. But remember, birth control doesn't automatically stop your fic being sexy (think opening condom packets with teeth!) and will stop people being distracted by the lack of it. (Because let's be honest; STI's aren't exactly the sexiest things on earth.) Not saying you have to include it, but you should at least bear it in mind.

Rule 9: Avoid adverbs

This is more of a general writing tip, but try to avoid adverbs as much as you can. Using them creates one of two effects; 'no shit Sherlock' (as in 'he shouted angrily') or 'what the fuck did you just say?' ('She shuddered vehemently'). There are occasions when it's ok to use them but try to use as few as you can.

Rule 10: Show both the physical and emotional side of the story

No matter what situation the lemon is written in, there will be emotions involved. They may vary wildly, but they are always there and they should make up a large part of what the story explores.
Feel free to ignore me folks. But please, just bare these in mind.

Haven't added a warning for now, but if you think I should, please say so.
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:icondarkdeleif:
DarkdeLeif Featured By Owner Jul 25, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Don't forget about the grammar and spelling! I've seen some lemons with pretty bad grammar and spelling, which just turns me off immediately. I've been waiting for someone to point out all of these things, and I'm absolutely pleased with your explanations and suggestions towards lemon writers :)
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:iconnaked-toes:
Naked-toes Featured By Owner Jul 26, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Of course, but grammar and spelling are important for all writing! 

Thank you by the way :) They're some of my pet peeves as well, so I felt I had to put together this list
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:iconthesomething4789:
Thesomething4789 Featured By Owner Jul 5, 2014  Hobbyist
im happy i came across this. i was going to start writing some but i was having a hard time to, seeing its not an easy thing for me to write it yet. but now i know some rules to make it good. 
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:iconspeedxaaa:
SpeedXaaa Featured By Owner Jun 12, 2014
As much as I may sound like a bitch for saying this, I think there's one unspoken rule when it comes to writing sex: it's best to have personal experience with the sexual act(s) being done to write them with a totally full understanding. After all, when we write, we put a little bit of ourselves into it. This way you have a foundation to work from: what do I like or not like?

So I didnt sound as much like a bitch as I expected, hahahah. But dont get me wrong, I'm not encouraging teenage lemon writers to go out and randomly have sex with some chick or dude. Just saying that personal experience tends to make writing these types of scenes a LOT easier. :la:
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:iconnaked-toes:
Naked-toes Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Oh no, I definitely agree! I've found writing smut way easier since losing my v card (and the subsequent experiences certainly helped as well uwu ) 
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:iconyellowpikmin88:
yellowpikmin88 Featured By Owner May 22, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Can lemons be posted here? It's just I have seen some here but others only post watered down versions and put the uncut work on other websites cause they say deviantart don't allow sex stories or you may get banned. Just want to know the truth.
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:iconnaked-toes:
Naked-toes Featured By Owner May 25, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
According to the rules, no. Some people do, but I'd stick to linking to uncensored versions.
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:iconyellowpikmin88:
yellowpikmin88 Featured By Owner May 25, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Right. Thanks for that. It's just I've seen a lot of lemons here so I wanted to know
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:iconnaked-toes:
Naked-toes Featured By Owner May 25, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I'd try uploading to archiveofourown or a side blog on tumblr and posting links in the descriptions of dA posts. 
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:iconyellowpikmin88:
yellowpikmin88 Featured By Owner May 25, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Good idea
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