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You looked up from the snow covered ground you were lying in. There was nothing left standing; as far as the eye could see there were only a few smoldering bricks, the ash from what had once been here defiling the pure white snow. Every muscle in your body ached, but you just felt lucky to be alive. You would never have attached smells to emotions before, but that was the only way you could describe the stench of the battlefield; it stank of fear and loss. Across the field, medics were attending to the wounded, but they would have no chance to find everyone. You curled up defensively; not wanting them to see you like this. Tears clouded your vision and you started to sob. It was your fault what had happened here; your fault for being so aggressive, for wanting so much. Every single lost soldier on this field was dead because of you.
Including Toris. Your beloved Toris.
He had meant everything to you; cheering you on quietly from the sidelines, always there with a piece of friendly advice. And sometimes, when you just couldn't take it any more, he'd be there as a shoulder for you to cry on. He'd trusted you completely; trusted that you'd planned every part of this battle properly. And it was your fault he died. You curled up more, not wanting your reputation to be ruined by you being seen this way; sobbing, curled up on the ground and begging the gods for forgiveness.
You'd have done anything to go back and stop yourself from making this reckless decision. But it was done now and no matter what you did now, it was over. You'd lost both your kingdom and the only man you'd ever loved. It was pathetic; you'd been so sure of this before, but when your first great battle had started, you'd been reduced to this. Rifles sounded from everywhere in the field, but you hardly seemed to notice. You were too busy trying to think of how to address your people, if you ever made it away from this godforsaken warzone. You tried to pull yourself up, the compacted snow making your bleeding fingers feel ever so slightly more numb.
You and Toris had been like brothers; fighting side by side from the day you met as military recruits. The two of you had become friends almost immediately, even though there was something a little… off about him, like a great secret that hovered in the air around him. You could never put your finger on what it was, but it was there, as undeniable as the thick snow that enveloped your kingdom each winter, turning the once golden fields into a sea of white. The instructors told you that the winter was both your greatest enemy and greatest ally; the brutality of the winters drove off and deterred many an attacker. And you'd believed every word of it.
Toris, on the other hand, always found it harder to open up to and trust people. You didn't ask why and, quite frankly, you didn't want to know; there were some things that were better left in the past. But, for some reason, he'd always seemed to trust your judgment. Even when your brash ideas had forced many of the other commanders to raise eyebrows, he'd always be there with the warm look in his eyes that only he'd ever given you; feeling safe enough to put his life into your hands. And look where that had got him.
You'd lied so much to him; lied about why you stayed behind after work, lied about what you had been doing with the Russian man who'd he'd found hanging around outside the house one day, lied about how much you'd planned out your tactics for this battle. You regretted all of it now, regretted everything you'd done, or rather, everything you hadn't done. You tried to scramble to your feet; eventually having to drag yourself over to where he was.
His eyes were still open, unmoving, unblinking, a look of surprise preserved on his face. You'd often heard people describe death as peaceful, like the person was just sleeping. But this was nothing like that; you closed Toris' eyelids, not wanting to have to see that look in his gorgeous green eyes any longer. Your uniform was now stained with red, but you didn't care. You just wanted to have one last chance to say goodbye. While you'd never counted yourself as a religious person, there was nothing you could do but let out a prayer; a desperate, impulsive prayer, the words of an inconsolable man.
You knew what the enemy would do next; make their way to the capital city, plundering, looting and murdering as they went. Even if some managed to escape, it would be the end of your people; your very way of life was being destroyed. They would scatter, disburse to other areas of the world, where they'd lose everything that had once made them great. They would, in a sense, cease to exist. And you were the one who had single handedly allowed the enemy to destroy them.
There was the unmistakable sound of horses' hooves behind you, moving closer and closer. It was definitely not your cavalry; they had been destroyed by cannon fire, your own terrain acting against you. They stopped, being replaced by the sound of footsteps, softened by the newly forming layer of snow. You turned to face them, your eyes almost glowing with hatred.
The man holding the musket to your head frowned, his speckled mustache adding to his expression. You looked up and along the barrel, trying to figure out what he was trying to get you to do. Your eyes met his and you stayed like that for a moment; locked in a battle for even this small piece of dominance. He looked like he'd seen better days; his brown longcoat tattered and full of bullet holes. His helmet was hanging at an angle from his head, rusting slightly. But there was still this aura of self-dignity he had around him; something you'd lost in the past few hours.
You heard another click behind you, another soldier pointing his gun to you. This one was younger, less certain. But he still had the same strong burning in his eyes, demanding one thing and one thing only. And you weren't going to give them that; you wanted one last piece of dignity on your deathbed. You shook your head, refusing to allow them to take you prisoner.
They were obviously surprised; most would have allowed themselves to be taken prisoner, to have a little longer left to live. But you had no need to ask for such a thing, not any more. You closed your eyes and pulled Toris' body closer, waiting for the inevitable. And hopefully, just hopefully, the gods might let you go to the same place as Toris.
The shots rang out and the perfect white snow around you turned red.
Including Toris. Your beloved Toris.
He had meant everything to you; cheering you on quietly from the sidelines, always there with a piece of friendly advice. And sometimes, when you just couldn't take it any more, he'd be there as a shoulder for you to cry on. He'd trusted you completely; trusted that you'd planned every part of this battle properly. And it was your fault he died. You curled up more, not wanting your reputation to be ruined by you being seen this way; sobbing, curled up on the ground and begging the gods for forgiveness.
Everywhere I turn, I hurt someone
But there's nothing I can say to change
the things I've done
You'd have done anything to go back and stop yourself from making this reckless decision. But it was done now and no matter what you did now, it was over. You'd lost both your kingdom and the only man you'd ever loved. It was pathetic; you'd been so sure of this before, but when your first great battle had started, you'd been reduced to this. Rifles sounded from everywhere in the field, but you hardly seemed to notice. You were too busy trying to think of how to address your people, if you ever made it away from this godforsaken warzone. You tried to pull yourself up, the compacted snow making your bleeding fingers feel ever so slightly more numb.
I'd do anything within my Power
I'd give everything I've got
But the path I seek is hidden
From me now
You and Toris had been like brothers; fighting side by side from the day you met as military recruits. The two of you had become friends almost immediately, even though there was something a little… off about him, like a great secret that hovered in the air around him. You could never put your finger on what it was, but it was there, as undeniable as the thick snow that enveloped your kingdom each winter, turning the once golden fields into a sea of white. The instructors told you that the winter was both your greatest enemy and greatest ally; the brutality of the winters drove off and deterred many an attacker. And you'd believed every word of it.
Toris, on the other hand, always found it harder to open up to and trust people. You didn't ask why and, quite frankly, you didn't want to know; there were some things that were better left in the past. But, for some reason, he'd always seemed to trust your judgment. Even when your brash ideas had forced many of the other commanders to raise eyebrows, he'd always be there with the warm look in his eyes that only he'd ever given you; feeling safe enough to put his life into your hands. And look where that had got him.
Brother Bear- I let you down
You trusted me, believed in me
And I let you down
You'd lied so much to him; lied about why you stayed behind after work, lied about what you had been doing with the Russian man who'd he'd found hanging around outside the house one day, lied about how much you'd planned out your tactics for this battle. You regretted all of it now, regretted everything you'd done, or rather, everything you hadn't done. You tried to scramble to your feet; eventually having to drag yourself over to where he was.
His eyes were still open, unmoving, unblinking, a look of surprise preserved on his face. You'd often heard people describe death as peaceful, like the person was just sleeping. But this was nothing like that; you closed Toris' eyelids, not wanting to have to see that look in his gorgeous green eyes any longer. Your uniform was now stained with red, but you didn't care. You just wanted to have one last chance to say goodbye. While you'd never counted yourself as a religious person, there was nothing you could do but let out a prayer; a desperate, impulsive prayer, the words of an inconsolable man.
Of all the things I hid from you
I cannot hide the shame
And I pray someone, something will come
to take away the pain
You knew what the enemy would do next; make their way to the capital city, plundering, looting and murdering as they went. Even if some managed to escape, it would be the end of your people; your very way of life was being destroyed. They would scatter, disburse to other areas of the world, where they'd lose everything that had once made them great. They would, in a sense, cease to exist. And you were the one who had single handedly allowed the enemy to destroy them.
There was the unmistakable sound of horses' hooves behind you, moving closer and closer. It was definitely not your cavalry; they had been destroyed by cannon fire, your own terrain acting against you. They stopped, being replaced by the sound of footsteps, softened by the newly forming layer of snow. You turned to face them, your eyes almost glowing with hatred.
There's no way out of this dark place
No hope, no future
The man holding the musket to your head frowned, his speckled mustache adding to his expression. You looked up and along the barrel, trying to figure out what he was trying to get you to do. Your eyes met his and you stayed like that for a moment; locked in a battle for even this small piece of dominance. He looked like he'd seen better days; his brown longcoat tattered and full of bullet holes. His helmet was hanging at an angle from his head, rusting slightly. But there was still this aura of self-dignity he had around him; something you'd lost in the past few hours.
You heard another click behind you, another soldier pointing his gun to you. This one was younger, less certain. But he still had the same strong burning in his eyes, demanding one thing and one thing only. And you weren't going to give them that; you wanted one last piece of dignity on your deathbed. You shook your head, refusing to allow them to take you prisoner.
They were obviously surprised; most would have allowed themselves to be taken prisoner, to have a little longer left to live. But you had no need to ask for such a thing, not any more. You closed your eyes and pulled Toris' body closer, waiting for the inevitable. And hopefully, just hopefully, the gods might let you go to the same place as Toris.
I know I can't be free
But I can't see another way
I can't face another day
The shots rang out and the perfect white snow around you turned red.
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My first entry to ~imagination-junkie's Disney Songtalia contest.
The song is 'No Way Out' and it's from Brother Bear. My next entry will be slightly happier, I promise ;-;
Toris © Himaruya
You © You
The song is 'No Way Out' and it's from Brother Bear. My next entry will be slightly happier, I promise ;-;
Toris © Himaruya
You © You
© 2012 - 2024 Naked-toes
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