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You'd harboured a grudge against Felix for a long time. Not for the same reason as the other students did, nudging each other when he passed by, glaring at him with utter disgust, mouthing that three letter word to each other behind his back. No, you weren't a homophobe, by any means. Your grudge against Felix was one of jealousy. Because he seemed free and happy to wear a uniform he felt comfortable in, while you were forced to wear the wrong one. The girl's one.

You had no idea when you first realised you were a boy; it had never seemed to matter when you were a child. Your parents had been pretty liberal about who and what you played with back then, even if they had little patience when you corrected them for saying 'she'. But since you started Secondary, it had mattered so, so much. Your body had started to change, to form itself into the shape of somebody you weren't. Outside of school, you took to wearing baggy shirts to hide your body, cutting your hair short and refusing to talk, terrified that your voice would ruin everything. But in school, you had no choice but to wear the girl's uniform. A fact that you hated from the very pits of your soul.

And that was why you were jealous of Felix; because he was free to break the rules while you were forced to live a lie. A lie that tore you apart, that left you feeling absolutely empty inside. You'd have done anything to be born into the right body, anything at all. But there was nothing you could do, nobody you could talk to, nobody who you could hate other than yourself. And Felix.

The thing is, you can never hate anybody as much as you want to.

You remember everything about that day clearly. The day was sunny, but cold, the drops of dew on the grass just starting to turn to frost, the tops of puddles just starting to freeze. You were in art, only half listening to the teacher droning on about some art style you'd never heard of and, quite honestly, would have been utterly happy if you never had. The style was about expressing inner frustrations, inner insecurities, you remember him saying. And the most important thing was to be honest about them. You snorted, knowing there was no way you were going to be able to talk about your honest problems. All you needed to do was throw together some generic teenage angst problems and pretend that they actually meant something to you. You sighed, staring at the blank piece of paper in front of you.

As it turns out, nobody took the thing seriously at all. The teacher had to leave midway through the lesson leaving the class unattended. As expected when a group of teenagers are left alone, a couple of guys immediately started a paint fight. And, even though you were only on the sidelines, you got splattered with the almost florescent green. You knew you had to clean the paint off and, given that there were no mirrors in the art room, there was only one place you could go. The one place you didn't want to go.

You must have stood outside the toilets for about ten minutes, not wanting to venture inside. It would be like giving in to the lie, saying that you actually were a girl after all and that you made up the part about being a boy. You started to shake, trying to convince yourself that you could just run in quickly and nobody would notice. But you couldn't go in, couldn't do this to yourself. You took a sigh and were about to walk away when a familiar voice sounded behind you.

"Why are you, like, taking so long? It's a toilet, honey."

You snapped around, coming face to face with the one person you really could not face right now. He didn't even blink, just staring right back at you, his green eyes meeting your (e/c) ones. "It's complicated, ok?"

You covered your mouth with your hand the moment you let that slide. Shit; you really shouldn't have said that. Now he'd know there was something wrong. You'd seen how people treated him; if he was even remotely sane he'd try to get them to pick on somebody else. You looked away, not wanting to look him in the eyes.

"Ok, whatever." You looked back up, confused. But he'd already turned away, not wanting to probe any further. "None of my business." He walked away, not turning back once. Your jaw dropped.

Once you'd actually talked to Felix, you couldn't help but want to talk to him more, sitting next to him in the lunch hall, partnering up with him for subjects when both of you were alone. You weren't attracted to him, god no. But you couldn't help the feeling that maybe, just maybe, he'd be somebody you could talk to about things, somebody you would find it fun to hang out with. Which he was, even if you didn't have the same love for gossip as him, or he the love you had for video games. But you both listened and nodded, enjoying each other's company.

Felix was also the first person you came out to. He took it pretty well, actually, considering how much of a shock it must have been. Well, actually, given that he knew that you kept rolls of ace bandages in your room, even though you hardly ever got injured, and utterly refused to talk out loud in public, despite how talkative you could really get, he must have at least guessed. And Felix had given you the courage to come out to your parents. It had been an uphill struggle; that was for sure. Sometimes you still heard your mother crying about how her little girl was gone. But, for the most part, they seemed to accept it. And you were finally about to do something you had only ever dreamed of before.

You crossed your fingers as you walked into school, praying that nobody would notice you. Turns out, God didn't really like you, because the moment you entered through the door, you were spotted by the person who could only be described as the queen bee of your school. She took one look at you, eyes widening with shock.

"[Fem!Name], you're breaking the rules so much, you know?" her eyes narrowed, a hint of a glare entering them. "Why the fuck are you even wearing a boy's uniform anyway?"

If you had to tell the story later, you'd have said you'd given a rousing speech that left everyone speechless and made everybody finally see you as the manly man you were. What actually happened was far, far less heroic or interesting. You only managed to stammer out one sentence, cursing your pathetically high voice as you did so.

"I-If I'm breaking the rules, then you are too."

Luckily, Felix swooped in to save you.

"And [M!Name]'s wearing the boy's uniform because he's, like, a boy."

You would never, ever forget the look on that girl's face. Ever.
FTM= Female to Male transgendered or transsexual person, btw. Also known as a transman.

I know I mention using Ace bandages to bind, but you should never do this. They are an incredibly bad way to bind, hurt your ribs, constrict your breathing, damage your tissue, and are really uncomfortable. Never ever use them. Ever, even for a few hours.

This isn't intended to depict the lives of every trans* person on Earth. It's based purely on my experiences as a transman. Please don't get offended.

Part of my personal prompt challenge, btw. ([link])
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Italyslostspirit Featured By Owner Aug 9, 2015  Student Digital Artist
I wanna be a boy. I Hate being a girl.

Great story! ;w;
deviantdivergence Featured By Owner Apr 6, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
thANK YOU <3
DownShiftPlus Featured By Owner Jan 13, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
Honestly, who here would've punched the 'Queen Bee' in the face?
*Casey slowly raises her hand* have alot to learn. NO PUNCHING PEOPLE IN THE FACE!! CAN slap their butt. That always works.
Alessandra: IT DOES!!
24shineon Featured By Owner Dec 26, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I appreciate you putting the warning about ace bandages at the end, but because I know not everyone reads down there could you possibly put in the beginning, I'd greatly appreciate it, also cute story I greatly enjoyed it
purple-puppet Featured By Owner Oct 3, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
This made my day! I just started wearing the boys uniform at my school so this was the perfect day to read this, you're an awesome writer
Naked-toes Featured By Owner Oct 4, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
That's awesome! I'm really happy for you :>

and thank you c:
Blue-Demon-Hybrid Featured By Owner May 25, 2014
I love this!
Aritheotakuqueen Featured By Owner Apr 21, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
By the way it's Feliks and I loved the story!
12popscotch Featured By Owner Apr 11, 2014
So were you a boy who thought you were a girl...
or a girl who wants to be a boy?
please someone tell me I dude!
Confused Llama Emoji-38 (Confused) [V2] 
Naked-toes Featured By Owner Apr 12, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
You're a boy, but were assigned female at birth. So you're a transgender man. 
12popscotch Featured By Owner Apr 12, 2014
Thank u! I understand now! >w<
Lemon-Hetalia Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2014
Thats why I admire Poland. I wish Poland was right here and I could ask prefered pronouns because I know I hate being called a girl. I came out shortly after Halloween to my mom and things are iffy. Its pretty tough being trans*. But you captured it perfectly. Favorite right away. And have a llama. *gives you a llama*
Naked-toes Featured By Owner Feb 27, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Aww daym :c I hope things turn out okay for you. I'm well down the transition path myself (full time socially transitioned and getting hormones this month aww yiss) but my family is still not great about the whole thing. 
floridapanther28 Featured By Owner Aug 26, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I love this! This is the first trans*-related reader-insert I've read before. I ought to read more of these. 

You have inspired me. 
Naked-toes Featured By Owner Aug 27, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Awww, thank you. :love: I remember having seen one or two before I wrote this, but they are sadly very rare. 

And I'm glad I have~
Hinatathebloom1 Featured By Owner Jul 29, 2013
Love it ^w^
seirafox Featured By Owner Apr 13, 2013
Dang.....lucky ._.
I mean COME ON most girls wear all those tight short unfitting clothes and it just feels so uncomfortable!
Then boys, well heck they get it all loose and comfy.
Then my mom goes "Oh you're a girl, you should wear girl clothes!"
So I have popular girl clothing(i'm not popular and I don't want to be) in my closet...but its okay because I also have sweaters and done guy t-shirts and pants so I'll live ._.

My ranting is done
LunaHarborsSecrets Featured By Owner Nov 13, 2013
That's how my mom was so i told her ," hold on let me get my girly shit on," walked into my room and came out a fucking man, complete with military grade boots and literally kicked her in the face... And I got away with it! Woo hoo!
seirafox Featured By Owner Dec 17, 2013
Best damn thing I've heard this year.

(sorry for the late reply :iconanoplz: )
LunaHarborsSecrets Featured By Owner Dec 17, 2013
Damn! It's December and this is the best you e heard?! I'm must be so fucking awesome that I'm the reason prussia is no longer a country!
KingRocker Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2012
I know this feeling ;_;
I don't mind being a girl all that much but everyone seems to get all iffy because I like to wear men's cloths and I act sort of manly hehe but I enjoyed this
Also I like his you wrote Felix! One of the reasons why I love him xD
Naked-toes Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Hmm, it's a little different, because you actually do identify as a girl, but I get where you're coming from. For my part, I'm a transman, but a lot of people expect that means I have to act like the most stererotypical man on the planet. 0-0

Thank you for all the :+fav:s, btw~
xPuppEx Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012  Hobbyist
:iconbegplz: I love this!
And if you don't mind me asking but could you tell me the difference bettween transsexual and transvestite because everywhere I look it kinda says the same thing
Naked-toes Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
A transsexual person is somebody whose gender does not match their physical sex (though sometimes only seen to mean those who are starting to physically transition), while a transvestite is just somebody who chooses to wear the clothes of a gender they do not identify as. Transgender is another term that tends to be used more often now for non-cisgendered people who either do not have the desire to, cannot or are not currently undergoing gender reassignment surgery.

And I'm glad you do. :D
Emarel-fae Featured By Owner Nov 21, 2012
Oooooh that makes a lot more sense *reads the note at the bottom* this is awesome
PerditaXDream1101 Featured By Owner Nov 21, 2012  Hobbyist Artist
I've never read one of these, but this was a great story to start with. Thank you for writing this.
OddDisease Featured By Owner Nov 21, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
This was very empowering, thank you. :iconbrohugplz:
Aimichi-chan Featured By Owner Nov 21, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
(I'm not transsexual, but a bit of a transvestite...)
Naked-toes Featured By Owner Nov 21, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks~ I'm transgendered myself, but that's not really the point. :)

Thanks for the favs, btw~
Aimichi-chan Featured By Owner Nov 21, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
You're welcome! :D It's great that you express yourself like this, it makes me very happy~!
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